This one’s for you Mom. Hope there’s some way you might get to read it.
If you didn’t see what happened that afternoon, when I stood all alone beside your bed,
I’m writing this now so you get to read, every little thing that went on inside in my head.
I drew the curtains and latched the door, I didn’t want anyone to hear what I had to say,
The only exception would have been you, but you couldn’t hear me now anyway.
So I just held your hand and it was so cold, just like this world which gave you pain,
I asked you questions which I asked you every day, (I asked over and over again.)
I waited like an eternity for you to reply… For you to just do anything at all for that matter,
I could hear my heart pounding in that empty room, and when you didn’t move I heard it shatter.
They say everything that happens is for the best, but how am I to think of this for the better?
How could you leave without saying good bye, or without any last words to hold this heart together?
I cried and prayed, experienced a world of pain, until your blanket was stained with my tears,
I opened every corner of my heart to you, every hidden emotion, and every thought and ever fear.
I begged you to come back once and talk to me, and tell me everything that I wanted to hear,
I just wanted to tell you everything I left unsaid, I wanted to hug you and hold you near.
It wasn’t easy accepting so many things, like the fact that I won’t see you smile,
That I won’t have anyone to run back to, when miserable things like this would start to pile
I wouldn’t hear your laugh echo in the hall back home, or anything else with your special touch,
It wasn’t even 5 minutes since you were gone, it was devastating I missed you so much.
I just want you to know that I’m so very proud of you, for inspiring me to be everything nice,
And I’m glad you’re in a much better place now, even if it means staying away from you.
I want you to know I’ll do whatever to walk in your shoes, I’ll even try to better whatever you saw,
I’ll light up lives, smile all the way,
But do know you’ve left behind a hole so big, one that probably will never ever be filled,
A hole that’ll only disappear when my wish of meeting you once again is fulfilled.
Only after I made all these confessions, was when I decided it was time to leave,
My final promise was that I wouldn’t cry anymore, that this was the last time I would grieve.
So I clasped your hand one last time and prayed, then I did the hardest thing ever asked from me,
I kissed you goodbye and broke down again, I hope this one time you’ll let my emotions run free?
Life is going to be anything but easy after you, all straight roads will now curve uphill,
Starting from losing the liveliest person in my life, and watching her lie absolutely still.
Rest assured I know you’re watching me right now, writing this struggling to hold my own,
But these wounds will take their time to heal, so will this feeling of being all alone.
Till then I hope you promise to watch over us all, to make it a little easier than it now seems,
I hope you give us the strength to go on without you, and that you speak to us in our dreams.
Ask God to give me a kid who smiles like you, so that I never have a reason to complain,
Ask God to send a little of your warmth with the light, a little of your love with the rain.
In turn I’ll remember you’re always around me, and I’ll try not to be forever scarred,
And that inspite of all that has happened, you’re gone but still never too far.