Phew! I finally managed to get down and put forth my thoughts. I have realized something off late I am not motivated enough to write, something which I loved doing at one point of time. This is very sad indeed, as putting forth words to express myself is something I need to do as that’s where I locate my comfort zone and I’d have to admit that I am pretty uncomfortable off late.
Yeah so what’s it this time that I want to share, I ask this to myself and then a completely contradictory statement stems up, Do I actually want to share it or I can live with it and possibly push it to the darkest corner of my head, you’re running away and avoiding stuff a part of me says that. Okay, hang on I have thought about issues and what it could take from my end to reform it and if it doesn’t work out that ways I step aside and start things afresh. The point being my stepping aside won’t help me eventually, one truth I’ve realized is that after a point of time there will be a relapse of situations, statements and emotions. I need a kind of a new freedom that stems from someone making the effort to come and step inside and am a part of this world that I have created for myself after a lot of changes in it in the construction phase. I don’t find a craving anymore in me to go out there and make an effort to make things happen. I wonder what happened to the insanity and the passion that once thrived in me. I am taking a chill for things working out; those who’d make their effort are most welcome to be a part of this world, my world where I am me, in my purest form of mind and emotion. I ask myself at times am I ready enough to be there all for myself and forget people whose lives are deeply entwined with mine, I hear my selfish alter ego whispering, sure you are as long as you know they will there standing in the corner where you’d be leaving them, waiting for you hoping against all odds that you will be back for them someday. Then another side goes on to say sweetheart you know you can’t live with the guilt of hurting an innocent soul, so stop and be there. Okay so it’s decided I can play fair, I take some I give some. That ways I don’t live with any regrets ever.
So what am I doing next? Guess I’d just be gallivanting to the nearby store and drop in for a read and get myself a nice cuppa coffee, cheers to a totally unplanned life! 🙂